10 Tips for Effective Communication with your Partner
Are you experiencing a lack of communication in your relationship? Or worse yet, no communication in your relationship?
Poor communication in relationships can become the thing that breaks you if you don’t act quickly to resolve the communication breakdown and get to a place where you can really hear what your partner is saying and feel really heard by them too. In this article you’ll find 10 tips to help you increase understanding and build a solid foundation for effective communication.
Active Listening:
Effective communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your undivided attention when they are speaking to you. Reflect not only on the words but on the emotions behind what your partner is saying as you listen to them and check in with them frequently to ensure that you are understanding what they are trying to share with you. You see sometimes we incorrectly assign meaning which leads to miscommunication and you want to ensure that you are fully understanding what your partner intends to communicate. While you are listening, focus on listening only, don’t start formulating your response there will be time for that later. Just listen and reflect until your partner feels heard.
Avoid interrupting:
Avoid interrupting your partner when they are speaking, as it can disrupt the flow of communication and create misunderstandings and frustration.
Use “I” statements:
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This helps to take ownership of your feelings and avoid blaming your partner.
Practice empathy:
Try to see things from your partner’s perspective and practice empathy. This can help you understand their feelings and needs better. Avoid trying to one up one another or become defensive if your partner is being vulnerable about something that may have hurt them. Phrases like well you hurt me too aren’t helpful in this moment, first try to understand them, then take time to share how you have been hurt. Your partner will be much more willing to hear you once they feel heard.
Be clear and concise:
Be clear and concise when expressing yourself to avoid confusion and misinterpretation. It can be hard to absorb a lot of information from someone all at once. Make sure you take a pause and allow your partner to check for understanding. Sometimes if we talk for too long with out any breaks it becomes overwhelming for the person that is working hard to actively listen to us and they end up missing out on some of the key things we want them to learn.
Avoid criticism:
Avoid criticizing your partner, as it can lead to defensiveness and resentment. Instead, try to offer constructive feedback and don’t do this in the heat of an argument, take a break to cool yourself down if you need to and check to make sure it is a good time for your partner too so that the conversation is productive.
Avoid blaming:
Avoid blaming your partner for things that go wrong. Instead, focus on finding solutions together. Remember you are on the same team and attacking each other only ensures that everyone will lose. When you are able to understand each other and collaborate on finding a solution together you will build connection.
Use positive language:
Use positive language to encourage your partner and show appreciation for their efforts. Remember we all want to feel appreciated and when we feel like we are doing a good job we are more likely to do more, if we feel like nothing we do is right we tend to feel defeated and stop trying. It’s easy to shut down and stop trying when we feel like nothing we do is right which inevitably leads to more conflict. When we shift our requests to make our partners feel like they are doing well that reinforces the behaviors that we want more of. So next time your partner does something you like tell them just how much you appreciate it.
Be open-minded:
Be open-minded and willing to compromise when discussing sensitive issues. Work together for a solution, remember you are on the same team. There are 2 sides to every coin, but they are the same coin if you damage one the whole coin diminishes in value the same is true in a relationship, don’t tear your partner apart or work against them or your relationship will suffer.
Take breaks when needed:
If emotions start to run high, take a break to cool off before continuing the conversation. This can prevent things from escalating and help maintain a respectful dialogue. It is also important to communicate to your partner that you need a break and when you will return to resume the conversation, this builds trust in your partner to give you the space that you need to come back and work through things.
If you are in Florida or California and you find yourself struggling with communication in your relationship and need some help to incorporate these skills or others feel free to reach out to me to see if I may be able to help.
Joann Ikeh, LMFT
www.onlinecouplecounseling.com
